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The Resentment Dumpers

Dump your Resentment, not your Relationship!

Why Do We Suppress Our True Feelings?

ScoldingEver wonder why we sometimes feel the need to hide our emotions?  It may be “out of respect” that we bite our lip and keep inside how we really feel.  It may be out of fear of upsetting our partner by exposing our true nature.  Or, it may be that we simply want to be nice, and nice people behave themselves.

Traditional Relationship Logic

As children, most of us were taught and learned to suppress our Egoity (defensive reactions) whenever conflict arose.  When Billy stole our pencil during class, we were punished if we got up from our desk and tried to get it back.  If our brother called us ugly, we learned to “just take it” instead of risking punishment for expressing our natural desire to “debate” this subject with him.  We were ridiculed, sent to bed without supper, made to sit in a corner, put in “timeout” and grounded.  We learned that if we dared convey a viewpoint that is contrary to authority, we risked punishment for simply having and expressing that viewpoint (and for any misspelled words.)

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We learn to suppress

For the sake of peace and quiet, many of us learned (and still choose) to value the needs and wants of others, above and at the expense of our own.  For “goodness” sake, we learned to suppress our true feelings, and for that, we were praised for being such good girls and boys.  Those that couldn’t or chose not to suppress their feelings were ridiculed and punished with the crime of simply behaving in a way that bothered authority.

The Consequences of “Holding it in”

Suppressing your Egoity is like holding your breath – eventually it has to come out.  A steam boiler can only take so much pressure before it blows up.  And when Egoity blows, it’s usually out of desperation and not very pretty.  We destructively “left off steam” or “blow up” with temper tantrums, evasion of responsibilities, vindictive passive-aggression, or worse.  Until we learn that purposely suppressing our feelings is irresponsible and destructive, we will continue to think it is the compassionate, “nice,” and correct thing to do.

On the flip side, there are some of us that learned (and still choose) to freely express our feelings with no regard of the needs and feelings of others.  We choose to play the role of “the authority” rather than the oppressed by taking advantage of the compassion and non-confrontational nature of others.  Instead of suppressing our Egoity for the sake of peace and appeasement, we choose to become the receiver of appeasement.  We‘re still using Traditional Relationship Logic, yet at some point we learned we could choose to adopt the role of the oppressing authority, instead of continuing to play the role of the oppressed.

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An Alternative

By understanding the dynamics of Traditional Relationship Logic and its deteriorating effect on relationships, you can break free and choose to live without feeling the need to control or be controlled.  The Melfox Mindset combines this knowledge with cooperation and curiosity to create a nurturing, healthy Environment for your relationship.

You can share your true feelings and still stay on the “same side” with your partner.  A key element of this is controlling your Egoity which is at the heart of The Melfox Method.  By understanding WHY we have defensive reactions when resolving conflict helps us to overcome the fear of Egoity and the desire to suppress our true feelings during Interaction.

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