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The Resentment Dumpers

Dump your Resentment, not your Relationship!

Understanding Egoity Changes Everything

Understanding Egoity has changed my life.

That’s a pretty dramatic statement, but it’s the damn straight truth.

Until I understood what is happening with myself and those around me when Egoity strikes, I was like everyone else. A classic conflict avoider. After all, it’s pretty scary stuff when you have to actually, often very uncomfortably, deal with conflict. In your intimate partnership, at work, with your kids, your friends or whoever else.

Conflict is a part of life. Some people think you just can just “will it away” with various techniques, like yoga or meditation… or even just have a strong belief that you don’t WANT any conflict in your life. Yep, that’ll get rid of it!

Um, NOT!!!

At the end of the day, what is happening with those “techniques” is just another way of sweeping resentment around the room or under a rug. Or sticking your head in the sand.  Call it what you will. The result is the same.

Resolving conflict can be very uncomfortable, mainly because Egoity can be messy. It can be unpleasant. But if you understand its cause and purpose, and what’s really happening when it strikes, you are able to view it as a normal, natural and WANTED response to a threat. And then all the fear and dread vanish. Some people will do anything to minimize and suppress Egoity; and that means not saying or doing anything that might evoke it – which totally eliminates the OPPORTUNITY to resolve their conflicts!

“What’s WRONG with you??”

Egoity left undefined and not understood leaves us no choice but to see its manifestation as a personal defect or transgression. The idea of talking through our conflict with our partners is often shunned since we do not wish to expose this “defective” nature from ourselves nor be subjected to it from our partner.

When we understand that Egoity is not a personal defect, we can see it for what it really is: a warning that something is wrong.  A belief has been threatened.  “Egoity warns you that something is wrong, not that your partner did something wrong.”

In Egoity mode, we create a perfect storm for slamming our partner to the other side of the net, and “hearing” and “seeing” things from a judgmental standpoint.  But judgment is not conducive to resolving conflict. A key component to controlling Egoity is…(wait for it!) …CURIOSITY!

When both people remain curious you don’t run the risk of starting Egoity Battle Royale, with Deer running amok, Turtles retreating in their ironclad protective shells, and Lions roaring to the high heavens! Curiosity allows for effective Interaction and ultimately, conflict resolution… and all of the joys of a resentment-free relationship!

I can attest to the fact that there is nothing else quite like it. 🙂

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