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The Resentment Dumpers

Dump your Resentment, not your Relationship!

The Secret to a Long Term Happy Marriage

Talk about The Good and Bad

Source: Jason Merritt/Getty Images

The Wolverine just opened in theaters this weekend and there’s a lot of typical PR stuff about Hugh Jackman as he promotes the new flick. There are the insidious gay rumors that tend to follow Hugh around. (“I don’t really pay attention,” Jackman explains), as well as a lot of talk about what appears to be his 17 year “successful” marriage. By Hollywood terms, of course this is like eternity! 🙂 People’s 2008 Sexiest Man Alive Jackman married Deborra-Lee Furness in their native Australia in 1996. They’ve since adopted two children, son Oscar, 13, and daughter Ava, 8,  and relocated to New York City,

Hugh claims that “he still feels like a newlywed”  in the August 2013 issue of Good Housekeeping. “From day one, we were best mates,” Jackman says of his wife. “We just clicked. We were giggling and laughing — we just connected.”  This intrigues me because I know that the only way to “feel like a newlywed” after 17 years of marriage is by keeping the relationship free and clear of the primary enemy of relationship bliss…resentment.  So I was curious to hear more about what Hugh claimed that his “secret” was….

As the article goes on, they talk about things they do to stay close and of course, they both emphasize that communication is key. “We talk about everything all the time,” Jackman tells the magazine. “The bedrock of any relationship is to communicate, and Deb and I have always done that, discussing whatever’s going on, good or bad.”

Ah ha!!! You go Hugh!! I love this because herein lies the problem with so many relationships.  Traditionally, we don’t want to talk about the “bad” because that somehow indicates that our relationship has (gasp!) flaws,  or things that need to be attended to. That puts a bit of a kink in the armor of that lovely fairy tale thing we think we should aspire to in our relationships. So many couples are averse to admitting to having “bad” things to communicate about, as if it would somehow tarnish their image with family and friends. The same thing happened when Ben Affleck also dared to indicate that marriage took effort and “work” during this years Oscar ceremony. Shudder!!

Reality is, that the bedrock of any relationship IS to communicate!! You got that part right Hugh! And yes, that includes the good and the “bad”. The bedrock of any relationship is being able to identify the weeds and be willing to do what it takes to get rid of them so your garden can flourish. This requires the willingness to not just SEE the conflict, but to also see it as an opportunity to keep your relationship perma-fresh and resentment free. That is the only way that you – like Hugh and Deborra – can continue to feel like newlyweds… long after the real honeymoon is over.

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