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The Resentment Dumpers

Dump your Resentment, not your Relationship!

Outcome of Relationship Challenges

Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johannson’s got a new movie coming out. Of course this means she’s speaking out in the media to promote the flick. That, combined with her newly-announced engagement (she was married to hottie Ryan Reynolds from 2008-2011) has brought up relationship discussion in some of the interviews.

In the new movie (Don Jon)  the Avengers star portrays a feisty, gum-chewing Jersey girl who decides she wants to change her new boyfriend’s (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) personality.

In an interview with People magazine, Scarlett said “I am guilty of this, and so are many people – you just want your partner to fit into the box you constructed for them. It’s easier that way,” she says. “It’s kind of like, ‘Why can’t you be more like me?’ I think that’s what we all want.”   She also told People that “The challenges of a relationship are what help you grow into an evolved person.”

Interesting stuff to ponder. How exactly do the challenges of a relationship help us grow?? Do we really wish for our partner to be just like us, or do we really just want to UNDERSTAND our partner and what makes them tick, in order to be as close to them as possible?

Actually both of those points can be addressed by comprehending Part Five of The Melfox Method: Outcome.  Understanding our partner is the key to a resentment-free relationship. If we use the tools of Interaction, not just in times of conflict, but whenever we have the opportunity to know our partner (and ourselves!) better, this is one of the greatest benefits The Melfox Method has to offer.

MelfoxMethodOutcome070212

 

In Part Five of The Melfox Method, Outcome, we outline the reasons to learn The Melfox Method.  If the other chapters were preparations for, and the process of childbirth, this would be the child.  It examines the possible results of Interaction and lists the benefits of effective Interaction beyond solely restoring your relationship.

Since this type of conversation may be new to you, talk about it afterwards.  Things like improvements, suggestions, interesting observations, and lessons learned.

Interaction results will vary depending on the issues addressed and the role each partner played in its development.  An issue may be discussed and resolved, yet there may be lingering emotional feelings such as grief and lamentation over decisions made in the past.  Self-Interaction, with possible help from your partner, dissolves this “resentment with yourself” through acceptance.  Everyone is doing the best they can, all the time, with their present level of awareness.

And this Scarlett, I believe is how the “challenges” of a relationship help you grow into an evolved person.  It’s actually quite spectacular!

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The Post-Honeymoon Survival Guide

Aaron Paul

Aaron Paul of Breaking Bad

Okay I’m a little obsessed.  Bear with me on the Breaking Bad themes while the last episodes of the series are in full-swing.   I’m reading everything I can find in the press on the actors and characters, and the other day I came across an article on Aaron Paul, the very talented actor who plays Jesse Pinkman.  Aaron got married last spring and has been very vocal about the love and adoration he has for his new bride, Lauren Parsekian.  In an interview with People magazine, Aaron was asked if he and Lauren were still in the “honeymoon phase” of marriage, to which he replied:  “Let me tell you, my friend, I will be in the honeymoon phase until I leave this planet’.”

My initial reaction to that was “Um good luck with that Aaron!”.  I had that reaction because I happen to KNOW that it takes a whole lot more than love, infatuation, and desire for the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship to last a lifetime.  I happen to know that it takes something very specific, and that is the ability to keep the relationship resentment-free.

When the honeymoon’s over, which couples survive and why?

The deep love we feel early in a relationship can be the motivation and the catalyst to keep things fresh and clean, but it takes a lot more than motivation to actually make it happen.  It takes real know-how and the willingness to NOT sweep things under the rug;  but rather face them, and resolve them.  Head on.

We all know that the early stages of a relationship are known as the “honeymoon period” for a reason.  This is when we’re still infatuated, still a little starry-eyed and gaga over one another.  During the honeymoon phase, the qualities we’ve hoped for in a partner gleam like polished silver and the things we don’t like fade away into the sunset.

Suddenly, one day we realize that the polished silver is looking a bit tarnished.  And those things that used to fade into the sunset, are starting to appear with surprising regularity.  That is the time when resentment starts to creep into the picture and in our traditional relationship mindset, we push them aside.  Pretend they aren’t there.  Hope they’ll go away.  Sweet them under the rug,

But the dirt is still there and we feel it.  The once starry-eyed adoration turns to contempt. The resentment builds up and creates a barrier, like papers between magnet and steel.  This dulls the attraction and what was once an intense draw to each other becomes the polar opposite: REPELLENCE.  The only way to get rid of the paper build-up is by “cleaning” the relationship and then maintaining it.  The Melfox Method shows us how!!

  • tempered by and with respect to Egoity,
  • resulting in an Outcome of elevated trust and closeness.

A resentment-free relationship is the ONLY way to keep that honeymoon phase alive “until you leave the planet”!

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‘Til Meth Do Us Part

Breaking-Bad-1I’m a victim of the Breaking Bad craze. I never paid much attention to the show, despite the years of acclaim and chatter about what an amazing piece of TV this show was. I resisted because the subject matter just didn’t appeal to me. A dying high school chemistry teacher goes to the dark side and becomes a drug kin pin in suburban New Mexico?? Um, no thanks…

I just wasn’t interested. But then I saw so much hype about the upcoming final season and thought I’d take a peek at what all the hype was about.

OMG. Yeah….

I got sucked in. Really fast. And really hard. So hard in fact, that I spent pretty much every spare moment I had allocated to “down time” watching the 54 episodes that existed in order to be “ready” for the last 8 episodes of the final season.

This is an absolutely compelling show. Incredibly well-written (although some of the best scenes have little or no dialogue!), impeccable acting, dynamic editing and audio/visual segue-ways, and transitions.  A masterpiece of a series.

Of course, being the Resentment Dumper that I am, I was fascinated with the relationship story lines, which are, like everything else, very well developed and fostered throughout the series. Naturally, the relationship between Walt and Skyler was fascinating to me as it evolved throughout the seasons.

Skyler and Walt need The Melfox Method!

It’s sort of overwhelming to even write about this because the story lines and characters are SO multidimensional, with many layers of complexity. And of course, these story lines involve more than most of us will ever experience in our lifetimes in terms of drama and intensity, but if we squint our eyes just a bit, we could probably see similarities in things we’ve all experienced.

There are so many scenarios throughout the series that demonstrate how critical it is to have the skills know-how to resolve conflict in our relationships.  There are so many scenes where I found myself thinking “Hmm, The Melfox Method would have really changed things between these two”.

  • When we had get first glimpse of Walt’s transformation from a passive, defeated man, to one who has increasing personal power. Walt’s request for Skyler to “Please, just this once, crawl out from my a–“, was a clear Egoity response as Walt begins to find his inner Lion.
  • The extremely riveting scene when Walt’s loud, roaring Lion turns Skyler into a sprinting Deer as he declares “I’m not IN danger Skyler, I AM the danger!“.
  • Or the haunting scene when they are in bed and Walt is seemingly oblivious to Skyler’s motionless and vacant emotion in bed.  No empathy on either end.  Two different worlds.  The pieces of resentment paper between them creating a void that may be impossible to fill without the ability to resolve their conflicts.

How different things could have been if Walt and Skyler were on the same side of the net and instead of stuffing their thoughts, anger and resentment, they actually possessed curiosity and empathy toward each other. If only they had been able to focus on resolving the conflict by cleansing the continuously mounting resentment.

But it’s different for us. We can all learn from this. We can get our drama fix from shows like Breaking Bad and fictional, albeit powerfully developed characters, like these two; but when it comes to own relationships, we can use The Melfox Method and our effective conflict resolution skills.  It may be too late for Skyler and Walt, but it’s only the beginning for us!  We’ve got this!

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The Foundation of “Curiosity”

Many interesting creations can come from combining seemingly non-related entities.  Reese’s peanut butter cups combines chocolate and peanut butter.  Amazon.com combines book sales and the Internet.  The Melfox Method combines engineering and conflict resolution.

Engineer

I have a Bachelor of Science degree in Industrial Engineering and worked in that field for seven years.  I like the idea that engineers are put on this planet to solve problems.  I learned through lessons and experience that the first vital step in effectively solving any problem is accurately defining the problem.

Makes sense.  You can’t expect to find a solution to something if you don’t know what the real problem is.  A blaring smoke alarm is not the problem.  The problem is the fire.  Disconnecting the alarm may stop the blaring, yet it’s just a symptom of the real problem: an open fire in your house.  By not properly drilling down and defining the real problem, efforts are not going to solve the real problem.  That kinda thing can burn down a house… or a relationship.  That’s right.  Our traditional approach to conflict with our partner does not focus in on the right thing.  Identifying and understanding the “real problem” when dealing with conflict is the foundation of The Melfox Method and my book Curiosity Killed The Spat.

Relationship Engineering – Defining The Real Problem

When we experience conflict in a relationship, we traditionally see our partner as the problem and they see us as the problem.  Mano-a-mano. You versus them.  We focus our attention on winning the argument, waiting for our partner to stop badgering us, or looking to escape.  None of these actually solve the problem of relationship conflict.  But what if we changed this perspective?  What if we saw something else as the focal point?

Before astrologers saw the Sun as the center of our solar system, predicting the course of stars and the Moon was pretty straight forward.  Planets, on the other hand, not so much.  Imagine a conversation between ancient Greek astrologers assigned to map the course of heavenly bodies:

Astrologer #1:  “But what about these objects that zig-zag and loop-de-loop all over the place?  They wander around with no rhyme or reason.”
 
Astrologer #2:  “Brilliant!  We’ll just call them “wandering stars” * and be done with it.  It’s Miller time!”

* The English word “planet” is derived from the Ancient Greek term astēr planētēs, meaning “wandering star”

It wasn’t until astrologers shifted their focal point (center of the solar system) from the Earth to the Sun did the orbital paths of planets become easily understood and predictable.  It seems to me that calling certain objects “wanderers” was their way of throwing their hands up and telling the world “we have no idea”.  Kinda sounds like our traditional view of relationships, doesn’t it?

Changing The Conflict Focal Point

The scientific and engineering communities don’t have much to say in regards to solving the problems of intimate relationships.  Just like ancient astrologers, they look at the mysterious zig-zagging, loop-de-looping world of conflict and throw up their hands.  But what if is just a matter of changing the focal point?  Imagine if we stop focusing on our partner during moments of conflict and start focusing on the real problem – resentment.

Traditionally we focus our attention on changing the mind of our partner and defending what we believe is true.  It’s just you and your partner in the conflict wrestling ring, so it can only be you versus your partner, right?  But what if we shifted our focal point?  What if we put resentment at the center of our conflict resolution “solar system?”  Instead of seeing conflict as battling each other, you could see you and your partner as a tag team with resentment as the common foe:

Conflict focal point: PARTNER

Conflict focal point: RESENTMENT

 

Resentment is the true enemy of relationships.  If we were to focus our collective attention on resentment instead of each other, conflict resolution takes on a whole new perspective.  The problem is no longer our partner; it’s the resentment we share with them.  The goal is no longer to win an argument; it’s to figure out the reason(s) for resentment.

I wrote Curiosity Killed The Spat: The Melfox Method for Relationship Health Through Effective Conflict Resolution focusing on resentment as the problem, not your partner.  After that, the rest of the solution falls into place:

1. Environment:  The problem.  You and your partner work together with resentment as the common enemy.
2. Information:  The agent of change.  Sharing each other’s world to the point of acceptance.
3. Egoity:  The indicator of resentment.  Allowing defensive reactions to pinpoint the conflict to be resolved.
4. Interaction:  The solution.  Effective combination of sharing Information and controlling Egoity so that the reason(s) for resentment is (are) exposed.
5. Outcome:  The result.  Listing the impact of Interaction on your relationship with your partner, yourself, your family, and your world.
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The Courage to Express Your Feelings

"If I only had the nerve"

“If I only had da nerve”

Patients under palliative care shared their thoughts with Bronnie Ware who put her findings into an excellent book called The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.  Number three on the list was the following:

“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

Is this the road you’re on?  Do you lack the courage to freely express your feelings?

We all have an innate desire to react when someone says or does something that we don’t like, especially when we are close to that person.  We feel the need to let them know that they are wrong or did something wrong.  Or we feel the need to storm out of the room.  At least that sends a message.

Yet some of us sometimes feel the need to suppress our Egoity.  We swallow real hard, smile sweetly, and pretend that it doesn’t bother us in the least.  We feel the best thing to do at that moment “in order to keep peace with others” is to avoid any confrontation, even leaving the room.  We have learned what can happen when we do react.  Arguments, fighting, yelling, and ultimately rejection.  It can feel like willingly walking into cage with a hungry lion.  It can feel like relationship suicide.  At those times, we would rather just hold it inside than risk bringing out the worst in our partner and ourselves.

You may say that at that moment that you lack the courage to express your feelings.  But as The Wizard of Oz pointed out, courage is sometimes confused with wisdom.  It takes courage to step into a cage with a wild lion, but your chances of taming the beast increase when you are equipped with a chair, a whip, and the knowledge of how to use them.

Same is true with relationships.  Understanding the cause and purpose of Egoity can give you the tools and confidence you need to freely express your feelings.  Just like fire, when you understand Egoity, you know how to keep it under control.  When you express your feelings without knowing how to keep the conversation under control, you risk carelessly burning it down (and your relationship) like a kid playing with matches in a dry forest.

At the heart of The Melfox Method is the demystification and appreciation of the concept of Egoity.  It is the one missing piece of most couple’s conflict resolution strategies.  By understanding what is actually going on when reactions start to heat up helps you maintain control while still feeling safe enough to express your feelings.  Instead of suppressing it, The Melfox Method gives you the tools you need to express your feelings and have the Interaction with your partner you need to resolve conflicts.

 

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The “X-Factor” to Healthy Relationships

Every week there seems to be one celebrity gossip story that stands out as the biggie. This week it was the announcement that Simon Cowell is expecting a baby. Big news because Simon’s gone on record saying he’d never have a kid several times.  The kicker of this story is that he’s expecting this child with his (I assume) former best friend’s wife! Not EX-wife, but wife.  Oye!!

This kind of story rocks all social norms and of course, that creates excellent news and the “train wreck” effect for us celeb gossip hounds. We just can’t look away!   Of course this intrigued me and I read some of the stories to try to get a grip on what was going on.  As always, it got me thinking about relationships and what REALLY took place here.

The media reported that “Lauren and Andrew have been unhappy in their marriage for some time, and their divorce has been in the works for a while,”  Hmmm!!!  Some sources speculated, “As their marriage deteriorated, she and Simon became close.”  This really got me thinking about why a marriage “deteriorates” to the point of no return. Why two people who vow to stay together for “better or worse” suddenly find themselves, not just strangers, but what sometimes feels like enemies.  The Traditional Relationship Logic that we’ve always learned insinuates that if there is conflict that means it’s me against you, and one of us has to “win”.  Warfare mentality.

It’s a totally different world when we are able to embrace the fact that the REAL enemy of the relationship is NOT our partner, but instead, it is the resentment that is coming between us. Relationships aren’t destroyed by cataclysmic arguments. They are eroded by the little things that happen over time. And if we let those “little things” slip by without addressing the resentment that they can cause, we often find ourselves – as the Silvermans did- with a “deteriorating” relationship.

With The Melfox Method, we learn how to maintain our relationship the same way we maintain all other important things that we want to “last” and don’t see as easily replaceable. Imagine investing in a car, expecting it to run and transport you long-term, but never taking the time, or making the effort to change the oil or replace the tires!!! Eventually it will either stop running,  OR require so many repairs that it would end up being most cost-effective to just replace it.

That’s likely what happened to this couple whose marriage “deteriorated” to the point of no return.  It happens every day.  And the impacts can be devastating.  The Melfox Method is the “X Factor” that relationships need to stay healthy and free of resentment!

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The Secret to a Long Term Happy Marriage

Talk about The Good and Bad

Source: Jason Merritt/Getty Images

The Wolverine just opened in theaters this weekend and there’s a lot of typical PR stuff about Hugh Jackman as he promotes the new flick. There are the insidious gay rumors that tend to follow Hugh around. (“I don’t really pay attention,” Jackman explains), as well as a lot of talk about what appears to be his 17 year “successful” marriage. By Hollywood terms, of course this is like eternity! 🙂 People’s 2008 Sexiest Man Alive Jackman married Deborra-Lee Furness in their native Australia in 1996. They’ve since adopted two children, son Oscar, 13, and daughter Ava, 8,  and relocated to New York City,

Hugh claims that “he still feels like a newlywed”  in the August 2013 issue of Good Housekeeping. “From day one, we were best mates,” Jackman says of his wife. “We just clicked. We were giggling and laughing — we just connected.”  This intrigues me because I know that the only way to “feel like a newlywed” after 17 years of marriage is by keeping the relationship free and clear of the primary enemy of relationship bliss…resentment.  So I was curious to hear more about what Hugh claimed that his “secret” was….

As the article goes on, they talk about things they do to stay close and of course, they both emphasize that communication is key. “We talk about everything all the time,” Jackman tells the magazine. “The bedrock of any relationship is to communicate, and Deb and I have always done that, discussing whatever’s going on, good or bad.”

Ah ha!!! You go Hugh!! I love this because herein lies the problem with so many relationships.  Traditionally, we don’t want to talk about the “bad” because that somehow indicates that our relationship has (gasp!) flaws,  or things that need to be attended to. That puts a bit of a kink in the armor of that lovely fairy tale thing we think we should aspire to in our relationships. So many couples are averse to admitting to having “bad” things to communicate about, as if it would somehow tarnish their image with family and friends. The same thing happened when Ben Affleck also dared to indicate that marriage took effort and “work” during this years Oscar ceremony. Shudder!!

Reality is, that the bedrock of any relationship IS to communicate!! You got that part right Hugh! And yes, that includes the good and the “bad”. The bedrock of any relationship is being able to identify the weeds and be willing to do what it takes to get rid of them so your garden can flourish. This requires the willingness to not just SEE the conflict, but to also see it as an opportunity to keep your relationship perma-fresh and resentment free. That is the only way that you – like Hugh and Deborra – can continue to feel like newlyweds… long after the real honeymoon is over.

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How To Effectively Get Rid Of Resentment

Keep Asking “Why” to Resolve Conflict

SnoringLet’s say that you consciously realize that you have resentment because your partner snores. You share that revelation with your partner that night when the two of you had some alone time. Your partner may shrug their shoulders, say that’s just the way it is, and that’s there is nothing that can be done about it. You may agree and simply end the discussion. You may conclude that the snoring can’t be helped, go on living with the resentment, and maybe start sleeping in separate rooms.

Many of us do just that. We assume we have done all that we can do and there is nothing else to know about an issue. But what if you don’t assume that? What if you asked your partner why they snored? They may not know immediately, yet it moves the conversa­tion to the next level of understanding. You or your partner may come up with possible reasons for the snoring, like eating a pound of cheese an hour before bedtime. If that turns out to be the reason, your partner may decide to stop eating cheese before bedtime and the issue is resolved. It was the lack of Information (knowing) that cheese caused snoring, which was the real reason for the resentment. If, however, even when knowing it causes snoring and your partner decides to continue eating cheese before bedtime, the resentment remains. Again, you may resign to the fact that your partner will snore and assume they are doing it intentionally… just to hurt you. Does that sound familiar?

Yet again, what if you don’t assume that? What if you ask your partner why they choose to continue to eat cheese when they know it causes snoring? Again, that brings the conversation to yet another level. It may be that your partner continues to eat cheese because they are mad at you for some unrelated reason and “not caring” about snoring is reflecting that resentment. If you ask “why” enough times, you will get to the root cause of the issue and real reason for the resentment.

Be Curious, Not Judgmental

To avoid having the “why” questions come off as judgmental, choose words that show you’re curious for the reason your partner did or believes something. Have a burning desire to understand your partner. It is easy to get defense and allow your Egoity to begin judging your partner. Tone, inflection, and other nonver­bal communication play a big role in how your partner will react to your questions. The words themselves could cause your partner to feel that you are being judgmental, which may invoke a defensive reaction.

TYPICAL JUDGMENTAL: Why are you wearing THAT? [hissing cat sound]
BETTER: Why did you choose to wear a jacket? Do you know it is 90 degrees outside?
EVEN BETTER: [Just smile and be curious to see how long their jacket stays on]

During the conversation, remain curious. Make it your mantra. Whenever your partner says anything that you don’t like, choose to be curious, not judgmental or defensive. Understand that they are simply sharing their world with you. That’s all. They are letting you know what they did, how they feel, what they believe, and who they are.

Think about it. Unless they say something that is refutable, you have no right to “take exception” or dispute in any way what was said. Keep in mind that opinions are not refutable. There is, however, nothing wrong with you asking why they have their opinion.

BEATRICE: You are a jerk.
BRUNO: Refutable.
BEATRICE: Sorry… I believe you are a jerk.
BRUNO: That’s better. WHY do you believe I am a jerk?

Instead of taking exception and saying something judgmental, choose to ask questions to clarify why your partner did something, or why they feel a certain way, or why they believe what they believe. When something your partner say rubs you the wrong way and the hairs start to stand up on the back of your neck, remain curious and ask them why. By doing this, you help keep both you and your partner’s defenses in check, and keep the conversation on the right track.

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Expectant Parents and Conflict Resolution

And Baby Makes Three

Screen shot 2013-07-16 at 3.42.42 PM

Kate Middleton arrives at an evening reception to celebrate the work of The Art Room charity at The National Portrait Gallery on Apr. 24, 2013 in London, England. Credit: Mark Cuthbert/UK Press via Getty

All eyes, ears and Internet browsers are poised and waiting!! Any day/minute now, one of the biggest pop culture and world history events of century will take place when HRH The Prince or Princess of Cambridge is born! Like so many others, I’m kind of caught up in the excitement of this. I’m dating myself here, but I actually still remember the excitement and frenzy when Prince William was born back in ’82.  And now we wait for the news that his son or daughter (and likely future monarch of England) has arrived.  It’s one of those “things” us females love. Especially those of us who are fascinated with the whole “Royal family” saga. (raises hand!)

This really got me thinking about my own experience of becoming a parent for the first time, and how this event- more than any other- will end up testing a couple’s ability to resolve conflict. The sleepless nights, the general awkwardness that occurs during the learning curve as you get to know your squalling newborn. It’s a breeding ground for conflict and tension in a relationship, along with all of the happy, feel-good amazement of having brought this little creature into the world. Later on, as we settle in,  things like cultural differences, values, and religion come to the forefront of the relationship as we uncover differences we often didn’t even KNOW we had, prior to having kids.

Dissolving Resentment

This is where Will & Kate (and all the rest of us!) really need to embrace the idea of  curiosity, empathy, and understanding as they embark on their journey into parenthood.  It’s been said that the best gift that parents can give their child is a good marriage. There is some truth to that, but what it isn’t ever addressed is HOW to do that.  And that’s where we come in! Curiosity Killed the Spat- The Melfox Method for Relationship Health Through Effective Conflict Resolution teaches us HOW to dissolve resentment, so that resentment doesn’t dissolve the relationship!

I am looking forward to the day when new parents turn to Dr. Spock *and* Curiosity Killed the Spat- The Melfox Method for Relationship Health Through Effective Conflict Resolution for guidance when they become parents. One to learn the logistics of caring for their beautiful bouncing baby, and the other to uncover how to expose and dissolve resentment – a relationship’s one true enemy.

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How to Survive the “Two-Year Itch”

 

Big Celebrity Headline News This Week!

GTY_george_clooney_kiebler_nt_130708_16x9_608

(Photo credit: Jeff Vespa/Getty Images)

Renowned and perpetual bachelor George Clooney,  and his latest squeeze, Stacy Keibler have split after two years together.  According to news reports, the relationship had been on the rocks for months.  An insider was quoted as saying “It’s been slowly falling apart for awhile.”  There is even a lot of buzz that prior to their recent breakup, George and Stacy hadn’t had sex for months.  Shocker!  Um, nope!! Not really! This is not shocking at all when a relationship is overrun with resentment.  But I digress…

Lots of rumors surface when this stuff happens.  They are both too busy, too far apart, blah, blah.  But this really got me thinking.  And being the celeb gossip fiend that I am, I am WELL versed in the love life of George Clooney (sigh…insert heart emoticon here.)

Generally speaking, George has a pattern dating back to the late 80’s of being in roughly 2-4 year relationships with various and sundry starlets and hotties.  Karen Duffy, Krista Allen, Elisabeth Cannalis, to name a few!  Some more intense and higher profile than others, but very generally speaking, it’s safe to say that  George’s couplings have had a relatively short lifespan.

Now, being intensely interested in the field of conflict resolution and relationship, I started to think about this.  Hmmmm.  Is this a quinky-dink or is something going on here?  You could just assume that George has a bad case of dating ADD and just needs a new woman every few years to relieve his boredom; or you could go a bit deeper and take a look at what happens to relationships after the “newness” wears off a bit.

Embracing Conflict

MarriageBoredom

Boring…

Once a couple settles into “real life” and the relationship extends beyond the Fairies and Unicorns Stage (also known as infatuation), conflict becomes a very real part of day-to-day life.  I am going on the record and stating that this is purely speculation, but there’s a really good chance that George has established a pattern of simply bailing once the honeymoon is over and the rose-colored glasses are removed.  This is a very real possibility, because, like SO many others, he either doesn’t know how to resolve conflict or he simply doesn’t want to.  Some people feel that conflict should be avoided like the plague, so instead of understanding it and embracing it and viewing it as an opportunity to know your partner better, as The Melfox Method teaches, they run for the hills or simply sweep it away.

The problem with that is that the ability to deal with conflict is crucial to relationship health.  So if my postulate is correct, we will continue to read about George and his two-year “honeymoon” relationships for the foreseeable future.  That is of course unless we can get him to read and absorb Curiosity Killed The Spat: The Melfox Method for Relationship Health Through Effective Conflict Resolution and embrace its teachings.  Hmm, I think I’ll send a copy to his “people”.  Stay tuned!  😉

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