Check out our shiny new 4-hour on-line video course ...
"Shiny Happy Couples: How to Detoxify Your Relationship"

Receive a coupon for OVER 75% OFF regular price when you subscribe!
 
 

The Resentment Dumpers

Dump your Resentment, not your Relationship!

S01/E008 Egoity 101

Share Button

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

S01/E007 “How often do you clean your relationship kitchen?”

Share Button

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

S01/E006 “Three Unique Elements of The Melfox Method”

Share Button

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

S01/E005 “The Trust Resentment Egoity Connection”

Share Button

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Resentment Dumpers S01/E004

Share Button

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Resentment Dumpers S01/E003

Share Button

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Resentment Dumpers S01/E002

Share Button

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

The Resentment Dumpers S01/E001

Share Button

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Relationship Care Is Not a “Bad” Thing

BreakingBadIt’s no secret that I’ve been a Breaking Bad crazed looney the past few weeks, along with SO many others,  as the greatest TV series in history (editorial opinion!) wraps up this weekend. This is kind of odd for me. I’m usually the type to jump on a trendy TV bandwagon long after its trendy-ness is gone.  But once I got a glimpse of the Pilot episode, I knew it was a unique piece of television history that I just had to be a part of.

I’m getting off track here. The point is, as the series wraps up, stories of the show’s stars and creators are running rampant and yes, I admit it…I’m reading as much as I can get my hands on. Of course, any and all relationship themes catch my attention, and I’ve written about some of them here before.

[So please humor me this LAST time. My final excerpt in the BrBa Trilogy. J

I read an interview with Bryan Cranston that centered around his views on marriage.  From 1977 to 1982 he was married to writer Mickey Middleton. At 35, he married Robin Dearden whom he had met on the set of the show Airwolf in 1984.   In the interview, he made reference to the fact that he and his wife often attend couples counseling  “Our agreement is, if either of us feels like we want to go, the other can’t object.” (I’m happy to say that Walter White and Bryan Cranston have very different views on marriageJ)

Sounds pretty healthy. Of course, understanding and embracing The Melfox Method gives a couple all of the tools they need to do their OWN “counseling”, which in reality is simply relationship maintenance; just like the maintenance you do on your car (to keep it running smoothly) or in your garden (to keep the “weeds” at bay). 

How many times have you heard the expression “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”?  We seem to do fine with comprehending that concept when it comes to our automobiles. Why are we so resistant when it comes to relationships??

A lot of people equate maintaining a relationship with torture. Like it’s something they dread or avoid thinking about.  They feel that anytime you have to “work” at a relationship, it is a sign of weakness and doomed to failure.  They hold fast to the notion that their relationship doesn’t (or ever will) have conflict.

Like somehow making a mutual commitment to always want to be with, and accept, another person will somehow magically remove the need to ever maintain the relationship you’ve entered into with them. Or worse yet, thinking that anytime a couple has to “work” on their relationship, it must be in trouble and that’s something to avoid or be ashamed of. 

CatWould you consider taking care of the relationship you have with your child or pet as work? When you care about something (and relationship you have with it,) you naturally do the necessary things to take care of it. Why should it be any different with the relationship you have with your partner?

If a relationship – any relationship – is not properly maintained, resentment (and the toxicity that comes along with unresolved resentment) begins to settle in. Like the weeds in a garden that ultimately choke out the healthy stuff.

So Bryan Cranston and his wife have got the right idea.  Thing is, while counseling could possibly be helpful in some cases, routine relationship maintenance can be done simply and regularly through the process of effective Interaction.

Curiosity Killed The Spat: The Melfox Method for Relationship Health Through Effective Conflict Resolution teaches us how to do just that. It’s really amazingly simple once you read the book and understand its concepts. “Couples counseling” takes on a whole new meaning …and the Outcome is a relationship that stays well-maintained and “perma-fresh”. For as long as you both shall live….

Share Button

Click to read the existing comment before commenting. Or comment directly below:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Understanding Egoity Changes Everything

Understanding Egoity has changed my life.

That’s a pretty dramatic statement, but it’s the damn straight truth.

Until I understood what is happening with myself and those around me when Egoity strikes, I was like everyone else. A classic conflict avoider. After all, it’s pretty scary stuff when you have to actually, often very uncomfortably, deal with conflict. In your intimate partnership, at work, with your kids, your friends or whoever else.

Conflict is a part of life. Some people think you just can just “will it away” with various techniques, like yoga or meditation… or even just have a strong belief that you don’t WANT any conflict in your life. Yep, that’ll get rid of it!

Um, NOT!!!

At the end of the day, what is happening with those “techniques” is just another way of sweeping resentment around the room or under a rug. Or sticking your head in the sand.  Call it what you will. The result is the same.

Resolving conflict can be very uncomfortable, mainly because Egoity can be messy. It can be unpleasant. But if you understand its cause and purpose, and what’s really happening when it strikes, you are able to view it as a normal, natural and WANTED response to a threat. And then all the fear and dread vanish. Some people will do anything to minimize and suppress Egoity; and that means not saying or doing anything that might evoke it – which totally eliminates the OPPORTUNITY to resolve their conflicts!

“What’s WRONG with you??”

Egoity left undefined and not understood leaves us no choice but to see its manifestation as a personal defect or transgression. The idea of talking through our conflict with our partners is often shunned since we do not wish to expose this “defective” nature from ourselves nor be subjected to it from our partner.

When we understand that Egoity is not a personal defect, we can see it for what it really is: a warning that something is wrong.  A belief has been threatened.  “Egoity warns you that something is wrong, not that your partner did something wrong.”

In Egoity mode, we create a perfect storm for slamming our partner to the other side of the net, and “hearing” and “seeing” things from a judgmental standpoint.  But judgment is not conducive to resolving conflict. A key component to controlling Egoity is…(wait for it!) …CURIOSITY!

When both people remain curious you don’t run the risk of starting Egoity Battle Royale, with Deer running amok, Turtles retreating in their ironclad protective shells, and Lions roaring to the high heavens! Curiosity allows for effective Interaction and ultimately, conflict resolution… and all of the joys of a resentment-free relationship!

I can attest to the fact that there is nothing else quite like it. 🙂

Share Button

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous Posts