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The Resentment Dumpers

Dump your Resentment, not your Relationship!


Screen shot 2013-02-04 at 11.26.49 AMIn Part Four of The Melfox MethodInteraction, we bring together what was taught in the previous chapters and lay out the fundamentals of effective conflict resolution.  This is the “action” chapter.

Interaction is the proactive, purposeful Information exchange between you and your partner to uncover the reasons for resentment.  It integrates Information with Egoity in a partnership to regulate the flow of the exchange.

During the process of Interaction, emphasis is focused on resolving the conflict, not winning an argument.  When either you or your partner wins an argument, the relationship loses.  While conflict resolution through Interaction is most efficiently conducted when both partners have learned The Melfox Method, it is still effective when only one has been taught.

After establishing the proper Environment for Interaction, the process may begin with an initial “dumping” of resentment by one of the partners.  Awareness of things like body language and common conflict resolution mistakes help keep the conversation from eroding into uselessness.

When Egoity does escalate to harmful levels during Interaction, techniques are taught such as code words to interrupt the Egoity “circuit” and restore the conversation to a level of mutual trust.  Props and suggestions for helping the Interaction include:

There’s an internal struggle that occurs as long as there’s a difference between the perceived reality of your partner and your acceptance of it. The disappointment wanes whenever you accept that person’s reality, or you or your partner adjusts that perception of reality, or a combination of the two.

It all boils down to the degree of understanding.  Partner X may explain why they feel resentment to the point that Partner Y “understands” why.  Let’s say that reason was that X felt neglected.  That is not the only thing that needs to be “understood” for the resentment to go away.  What hasn’t been discussed and “understood” is why Y neglected X in the first place.  And that reason may be because X did something Y didn’t like.  This empathy cycle continues until you find the core reason behind the resentment issue.

Hashing out refutable statements exposes fallacious beliefs and understandings.  Interruptions, while disturbing, reveal emotional tension and may be breakthroughs in understanding.

When someone makes a statement, the other person may perceive it as “written in stone” and unchangeable.  As new Information is shared, beliefs and understandings are adapted accordingly.   What was an adamant belief just five minutes ago may be the total opposite with new Information.

An engaging partner “reflects” back subconscious limiting beliefs so that they can be consciously evaluated.  This reflection is a gateway to better understanding yourself and your actions.

Agreeing to compromise short-circuits the conflict resolution process.  As long as there is a need to compromise, resentment remains.  When the issue is understood and resolved sufficiently, there is no need to consciously forgive.  Actions that were the basis for resentment are automatically forgiven when the true reason for the resentment is revealed, understood and accepted.

Maintaining a relationship through regular Interaction keeps the resentment weeds cut down to size, allowing a better understanding of both your partner and yourself.

The Melfox Method

  1. Environment
  2. Information
  3. Egoity
  4. Interaction
  5. Outcome
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