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The Resentment Dumpers

Dump your Resentment, not your Relationship!



The first part of The Melfox Method is Environment.

This is where we set the stage for proper conflict resolution.  We are introduced to the concept of “playing on the same side of the net” and seeing resentment as the opponent, not each other.  To better understand our “enemy” and how to defeat it, we are taught three basic fundamentals or laws of resentment:

  1. Resentment is resolved and only resolved through the interaction of the individuals in the relationship – the same manner that it was formed.
  2. The effect that resentment has on the relationship of an individual has an equal effect on the other individual in the relationship.
  3. Any resentment can be resolved to the point of acceptance by both individuals in a relationship.

We are then taught four fundamental reasons for resentment:

  1. Lack of Sufficient, Pertinent Information
  2. Misunderstanding
  3. False Assumptions
  4. Jumping To False Conclusions

Any resentment, with proper and sufficient Interaction of Information, can be boiled down to one of the above reasons.  We learn that resentment can have many layers, and that issues need to be “peeled back” until the primary reason for resentment is exposed.  Once it gets to that stage, the resentment dissolves into acceptance since we can clearly understand why the resentment was formed in the first place.

We learn that we respond to Information with either curiosity or judgment.  That instantaneous decision is based on three things:

  1. The manner in which it was said (inflection, style, choice of words.)
  2. The level of our resentment at the moment.
  3. Our awareness of the impact this decision will have on our level of resentment and the rest of the conversation.

To help us from becoming judgmental and fighting with our partner, The Melfox Mindset and the Curiosity Mantra are introduced.  When our desire to understand our partner “outweighs” our vulnerability, the resulting Interaction dissolves resentment, and increases trust and closeness with our partner. Egoity is simply “fight fright or flight” responses designed to protect us from perceived threats.  By refusing to fight with your partner and remembering that the opponent is resentment, Egoity can be controlled and positively used to resolve conflict and restore your relationship.

The Melfox Method

  1. Environment
  2. Information
  3. Egoity
  4. Interaction
  5. Outcome
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