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The Resentment Dumpers

Dump your Resentment, not your Relationship!

The Language of Relationships

It’s Like Legal Jargon and Legalese

Have you ever wondered why legalese is so obscure? All those embedded clauses, passive verbs, and lengthy sentences serve some purpose, right? Well one reason is clarity… “Just so there is no misunderstanding.” Its complexity is necessary to minimize contract disputes caused by things like:

I can’t even imagine the total cost and time it must have taken to make the contract. Factoring in the education and training of the high-end folks who actually write the stuff? H.u.g.e. No doubt you’re asking yourself right about now what does this have to do with conflict resolution? Funny you should ask.

Relationships Have a “Contract”

Think of relationships as a virtual, ever-changing contract an individual has with another individual. When you first get to know someone, the “language” of the contract is vague at first, with lots of blank pages. When we choose to enter into a relationship, pertinent yet blank “contract clauses” are subconsciously deemed acceptable by default and labeled TBD. What things do an individual deem acceptable without verification? It depends on such things as one’s previous experience, as well as their initial trust in perfect strangers.

When an incident occurs that challenges an assumed acceptance, the clause is called into question and a grievance, of sorts, is filed with the relationship. Its resolution may come quickly; as the incident occurs, or shortly thereafter. Others may linger… and linger… and linger. Each unresolved grievance erodes the intensity of the relationship in the form of resentment.

Resentment (Grievance) Resolution

When there is a contractual dispute, steps are taken to resolve the grievance. Each side states their case in a formal setting, an agreement is made, the contract is voided or amended, and the case is closed. In personal relationships, resentment resolution requires similar steps. In doing so you will find that many resentments were caused by thing like:

Look familiar? And even if the grievance isn’t totally resolved, talking it over reduces the adverse effect it has on the relationship by giving each side a better understanding of the other.

And the impact this has of the intensity of your relationship? H.u.g.e.

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