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The Resentment Dumpers

Dump your Resentment, not your Relationship!

The Courage to Express Your Feelings

"If I only had the nerve"

“If I only had da nerve”

Patients under palliative care shared their thoughts with Bronnie Ware who put her findings into an excellent book called The Top Five Regrets of The Dying.  Number three on the list was the following:

“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

“Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.”

Is this the road you’re on?  Do you lack the courage to freely express your feelings?

We all have an innate desire to react when someone says or does something that we don’t like, especially when we are close to that person.  We feel the need to let them know that they are wrong or did something wrong.  Or we feel the need to storm out of the room.  At least that sends a message.

Yet some of us sometimes feel the need to suppress our Egoity.  We swallow real hard, smile sweetly, and pretend that it doesn’t bother us in the least.  We feel the best thing to do at that moment “in order to keep peace with others” is to avoid any confrontation, even leaving the room.  We have learned what can happen when we do react.  Arguments, fighting, yelling, and ultimately rejection.  It can feel like willingly walking into cage with a hungry lion.  It can feel like relationship suicide.  At those times, we would rather just hold it inside than risk bringing out the worst in our partner and ourselves.

You may say that at that moment that you lack the courage to express your feelings.  But as The Wizard of Oz pointed out, courage is sometimes confused with wisdom.  It takes courage to step into a cage with a wild lion, but your chances of taming the beast increase when you are equipped with a chair, a whip, and the knowledge of how to use them.

Same is true with relationships.  Understanding the cause and purpose of Egoity can give you the tools and confidence you need to freely express your feelings.  Just like fire, when you understand Egoity, you know how to keep it under control.  When you express your feelings without knowing how to keep the conversation under control, you risk carelessly burning it down (and your relationship) like a kid playing with matches in a dry forest.

At the heart of The Melfox Method is the demystification and appreciation of the concept of Egoity.  It is the one missing piece of most couple’s conflict resolution strategies.  By understanding what is actually going on when reactions start to heat up helps you maintain control while still feeling safe enough to express your feelings.  Instead of suppressing it, The Melfox Method gives you the tools you need to express your feelings and have the Interaction with your partner you need to resolve conflicts.

 

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